Kairi's Kotex Katastrophe
by Mystery64
Summary: When Kairi starts to act strange around the guys again like last month and the months before, Chance and Jake snoop in her room and find strange objects. Kairi now feels it is time to tell them how a human girl works. Rated T for lady themes. R


I do not own SWAT Kats or any of the characters

**I do not own SWAT Kats or any of the characters. They belong to Hanna-Barbera.**

**Kairi Vinnyel is the only character I own**

**WARNING: For those of you who are not 13 or older and have not taken a health class, for the love of god, do not read this!**

KAIRI'S KOTEX KATASTROPHE.

"Hey Kairi, can you hand me the spark igniter?" Jake Clawson said to the young human in kat disguise.

Kairi Vinnyel reached up to the top shelf and handed the igniter to the chocolate kat.

"Here you go Jake."

"Thanks." Jake said as he took the igniter off her paws.

Chance Furlong came in carrying an engine from the scrap piles.

"Did you find something to replace this blown out piece of shit of an engine?" Jake asked the tabby.

"I found this one, and it's in pretty good shape." Chance replied.

He put it down in front of the car and helped the smaller mechanic disconnect the blown engine.

"Hey Kai, can you get the rope and tie it around this thing?" Chance asked as he and Jake lifted the engine up a little.

Kairi nodded and got it from the very top shelf and tied it around the engine.

"Thanks Kairi, you're a real big help around the garage." Jake said.

"When it was just me and Chance, whenever we had to get one thing and drop the two person position to get it, one of us would accidentally drop the engine on the ground and it would be useless or one of us would accidentally kick the jack away and the car would fall on whoever was under it changing the oil. Mainly it was Chance causing the accidents."

"Hey! I didn't do it all the time!" Chance snapped.

Kairi giggled as she put on a smile to be shown. The smile suddenly disappeared when she felt her lower abdomen starting to hurt and became aware of what was happening.

"_Oh no, no no no, not in front of the boys please no!_" Kairi thought frantically.

Her abdominal muscles tensed up as she locked her legs together and started to tremble.

"Uh…Kai-Kai? Are you ok?" Chance asked with an odd look on his face.

Kairi dashed to the bathroom without answering Chance's question, both kats cringed as the door slammed loudly.

"What is her problem?" Chance questioned out loud.

"Don't ask me, I don't know squat about humans and their behavior, let alone the girls." Jake replied.

A few minutes later, Kairi came out of the bathroom and walked to the sink with a bottle of ibuprofen in her hand, the two toms watched with concern as Kairi popped the pill in her mouth and took a drink.

"Kairi? Are you feeling ok?" Jake asked with concern.

Kairi turned her gaze towards the mechanics, but said nothing. She heaved a heavy sigh and went down the trap door to the hanger silently.

"Hey Jake, have you ever noticed that she always acts like this every month once a week?" Chance said to the small kat.

"Yeah I have. And once a week every month, I keep smelling burning trash coming from the hanger." Jake replied. "And she gets cranky and snappy once a month."

"Why is she acting like this?" Chance asked.

"I don't know buddy. But what ever is wrong with her, she's not telling us about it." Jake said.

Meanwhile, Kairi sat on her bed with her door locked, staring at the objects in front of her, feeling depressed. There were two boxes of kotex brand pads and tampons along with a Duplicator Ray that she invented so she'd never run out.

She had been trying to keep her period secret from the boys as long as she could, but now they were starting to get suspicious.

"_What am I going to do?_" Kairi thought.

"_I can't keep this hidden from the boys forever, but god knows how they'll react to hearing such a creatures body functions like this. Well, as long as they don't find these, I won't worry til the time is right._"

Kairi shoved the boxes and the ray under her bed and went to the garage. However, she was unaware that Chance and Jake were hiding in the cockpit of the Turbokat, waiting to make their move.

"Coast is clear buddy." Chance whispered to the chocolate kat.

"I still think this is a bad idea and we shouldn't do it." Jake protested.

"Hey, do you want to find out why Kairi is behaving so strangely?"

"Well yes I do, but breaking into her room and going through her stuff? Are you out of your goddamn mind?"

"Well we can't just ask her what's wrong with her. She probably won't even answer that question."

"Good point."

With great stealth, the two kats made their way into Kairi's room.

"So, where do we look?" Jake asked.

"Any place you can think of." Chance said.

"I still think this is a bad idea."

"Just shut up and search."

Chance searched in the closet and the drawers, he paused a bit to sneak a peek at Kairi's underwear, and Jake searched in the wastebasket and under the mattress. Nothing unusual was found, that was until Jake poked his head under the bed.

"Hey look what I found." He said.

Chance walked over to him as the brown kat pulled the Duplicator Ray out from under the bed.

"So? Kairi makes gadgets all the time. What's that got to do with the way she's acting?" Chance questioned.

"No the other thing under here." Jake replied.

He pulled out the boxes of pads and tampons, which caught their curiosity quickly.

"What the heck is this Jake?" Chance questioned.

"I don't know Chance. But this may have something to do with Kairi's strange behavior." Jake replied.

The two toms began to explore the strange objects and took them out of the wrappers.

"I've never seen anything like this before." Jake said as he studied the exposed pad he was holding.

"You think that's confusing? Look at this instructions." Chance said. "Remove tampon ever 4-8 hours or something called Toxic Shock Syndrome occurs. What the hell is a tampon?"

Jake picked up an unwrapped tampon and studied it; he pushed on it and out popped cotton like material.

"Whoa! How'd you do that?" Chance said with surprise.

"I don't know." Jake replied just as clueless.

"Did you break it?"

"I don't know."

Suddenly the door swung open and there stood Kairi, frozen to her spot with a look of shock on her face upon seeing the wrappers on the floor.

"Hey Kairi, what gives with this?" Chance asked.

"Do you plug your ears with these?" Jake added as he as he held up the exposed tampon.

Kairi stood motionless and silent in deep shock. Suddenly she began to flare up with rage as her face turned red with anger, the two kats knew now that they were in deep shit.

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!!" Kairi shrieked at the top of her lungs and began throwing hubcaps at them.

Chance and Jake dodged the flying hubcaps as they scrambled out of the room and took refuge in the garage.

"I told you snooping in her room was a bad idea!" Jake scolded.

"Maybe I should have listened to you." Chance said to him.

Later that night, the boys watched the late night news, the images of the strange objects were still stuck in their heads but they didn't speak a word of them. Kairi suddenly turned off the TV with a stern look on her face, the two kats looked at her with terrified expressions.

"Guys, I need to talk to you about something." Kairi said calmly.

She led the boys to the hanger where two chairs and a chart standee were displayed.

"Take a seat." She ordered.

Chance and Jake did what she said in order to prevent her from throwing more hubcaps at them.

"I suppose you're wondering why I you here? It's because of those objects of mine you found; you're wondering what they are for? Well…I kind of have some explaining to do. You find it disgusting, but to use humans it's perfectly normal. This information must never leave this hanger, understand?"

The two mechanics nodded and kept their ears open, Kairi walked over to the standee holding a black marker.

"Have either of you have taken a health class on sex and the female reproductive system?"

Chance and Jake nodded without a word.

"Maybe about the girls of your species, but with human females, it's completely different."

Kairi began drawing pictures on the chart paper.

"You already know all females of different species have ovaries and a uterus. When girls reach puberty, the reproductive organs begin the process of pregnancy and childbirth. You both know what happens when an egg cell is fertile, well here's what human girls do.

(The next part of the lesson is too graphic to tell and I don't want to get in trouble. Here's what's going on, Kairi explains menstruation and what the tampons and pads are for.)

So there you go, you've just learned the reproductive procedures of a human female, congradu-frickin-lations."

Kairi waited for the boys to say something, but they were silent and staring blankly into space. Suddenly Jake lurched forward and ejected the contents of his stomach all over the floor and Chance followed the routine soon after.

"OH GOD! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life!" Chance gagged.

"I can't believe such a creature's body could do such a gross thing!" Jake choked before he vomited again.

"_Yep, that's the reaction I thought I was going to get._" Kairi thought.

"I know it's gross but that's how human girls practice having a baby. Besides, you brought this on yourselves by snooping in my room."

After Chance and Jake got the vomiting out of their systems, Kairi got out the mop and started cleaning up the undigested contents.

"I don't get it Kairi, why didn't you tell us this from day one?" Jake questioned.

"I didn't want you to find out, especially since I knew you two would spill your dinner all over the floor upon hearing the truth." Kairi said as she mopped up the vomit.

"So maybe you can explain what the burning trash smell is all about?" Jake said.

"I was burning leftover evidence so you wouldn't find them." Kairi replied.

"Are you ever worried about…you know…running out?" Chance asked.

"That's why I made the Duplicator Ray you fur ball." She said.

The two toms looked at each other and at the puddles of vomit on the floor, they could still feel their stomachs squirming and creeping as a result of their snooping.

"Kairi, we're sorry we snooped in your room. We've just been worried that you've been acting strange for the last many months and we didn't know what it was." Jake apologized shamefully.

Kairi paused her moping and turned her attention towards the two toms.

"I really don't know how to reply to this, you both feel really bad about searching through my personal stuff because you were worried and I feel bad for not telling you from the beginning that made you do this. So I guess this is my fault all this happened."

"I guess we all feel bad for playing a part in making this happen." Chance said.

"But I feel really terrible for giving you that lecture, I just didn't know how else to punish you guys." Kairi. sulked.

"Believe me, having to hear the disgusting truth was punishment enough." Jake said

"So can we call this truce and never bring this up again?" Chance said.

"Deal." Kairi replied.

After that day, the trio agreed that this was one memory of there lives together that they all wanted to forget.


End file.
